Never Take my Hat
by Tairulz
Summary: One day Skulduggery was just minding his own business in his own home, when two strangers come and steal his HAT of all things. Good thing he told Valkyrie to stay home today, but did she stay put?


**Okay guys if you wanna know why i haven't updated so far in my two week holidays, its because i was at my grandmas farm for most of the holidays, even saw a chicken hatch out of a egg with my own eyes. **

**And theres no Wi-fi out in the country, or at least, there's not internet on my laptop. I DO have credit on my phone though.**

**So there i was, reading the first Skulduggery Pleasant book in my grandmas lounge room (Most of the time I'm reading fan fictions on my phone) and i got to the part where Stephanie- she wasn't Valkyrie yet, makes Skulduggery lets her tag along cause she holds his hat "Hostage" Which was funny :D**

**And i just couldn't help it, I'm always planning new fan fictions and creating ideas when i should be updating what I've already started. Sorry to say guys, i have slight commitment issues where I'm not motivated to finish what I've started. But don't worry, i still try my best with fan fictions :)**

**As much as i wish i could edit "The last stand of Dead Men" (Which i have a copy of, and one bit in particular i didn't like, won't spoil though)…. **

**Proud to say i own all of the books so far (Except Malificent Seven, i skimmed it and it's a waste of money)**

**All credits for the book series go to Derek Landy, ****i don't own it!**

**Valkyrie: 19**

**Skulduggery: 400+ as usual**

**I don't remember if Skulduggery's house has a second floor, but I say there's one in this fic anyway.**

_**START OF CHAPTER:**_

It was a Sunday afternoon, and Skulduggery, in his home, wasn't doing anything in particular, without Valkyrie his time alone was dull these days. She'd had more of an impact on his life than he ever outwardly showed anyone.

Not that he'd ever admit that though, true she had grown up and was now a fine young lady of almost twenty years old, but he still had to be careful not to get _too _close to her, he was a dead man after all. No-one could love a dead man.

At about noon, there was a crash from downstairs, he ran down and looked for the culprit, only to see a smashed window on the opposite side of his living room. Hearing faint hushed wishers from the kitchen, he quietly walked slowly to investigate the mystery of exactly who was in his house.

When he arrived, he saw no-one in the mostly un-used kitchen (except for when Valkyrie needed food) either. With a slight growl of frustration, he turned to go back to the lounge room.

He never got there. All of a sudden he found himself blinded, and felt his hat leave his head. Skulduggery was slightly confused when instead of hitting him or gloating, his attackers only other action was to giggle.

His blindfold was removed, and he saw he was tied to a chair in his now messy lounge room, the ropes weren't very tight though. He made a mental note to get free as soon as he could.

He saw that instead of one attacker, there were two figures standing in front of him, chest sizes revealing them to be women. One was slightly taller than the other, and the shorter one was standing further towards the now smashed window. It irritated him, being the famous detective he was, that he couldn't figure out the intruder's identity.

"Well, well, the great detective jumped by two women, isn't this a surprise." The taller one said to her companion, who laughed along with the other assailant. Neither were acting very hostile so far, and not gloating nor threatening him, which was odd...

"And what brings you ladies to my house? And what do you want?" He asked, glad that he told Valkyrie to go home to Gordon's, or rather, _her_ estate today.

"Oh you know, just paying the famed detective a visit." Sad the taller woman. The shorter one spoke, and Skulduggery noticed she was the one that took his hat. He didn't know where from, but something about their voices sounded oddly familiar...

"And we'll be taking this with us as a trophy." Waving said hat in his direction. If he still had a face, he would be currently glaring daggers at the woman who took his hat. He loved that hat.

And with that, both women jumped out of the broken window, and ran away and to a car they must have brought with them, they even waved as they drove past, taller one at the wheel.

Without a second thought, he ran for his bently and started the engine, eager to recover his beloved stolen hat. The tyres screeched as he peeled out the driveway, and he briefly noted that most of the time he drove somewhere, Valkyrie would be sitting in the passenger's seat, and pestering him with questions.

He focused his attention back to the current car chase, the taller woman driving like a maniac, getting several beeps and even a few angry shouts in her direction. Skulduggery drove in the same manner, silently vowing to make the offenders pay for any damage done to his beloved car. The slightly shorter one turned and saw they were being followed. She turned to her companion and skulduggery knew the driver was being alerted to his pursuit.

The car suddenly turned down a small alleyway, and Skulduggery had to swerve rather abruptly to also make the turn. A screech of brakes and he stopped his car to avoid crashing into theirs, which had stopped. But then he realised something.

This was _Kenspeckle's _car.

He found a hidden tunnel entrance directly under their obviously stolen parked car, and sighed before pushing at the air, sending the car tumbling into the alley's wall with a loud crash. below, the women heard the crash, and hurried a bit faster.

Skulduggery swiftly walked down the narrow tunnels stairs. He was still mad about his hat and the scratch on his car, but also he really wanted to know who these two strange women were and why they would break in, and take only his hat.

He heard a muttering of, "Well thats just great, Kenspeckle's never gonna let me borrow his stuff again." Curiosity ate away ay him, who was close enough to the doctor that he would let them borrow his car? The doctor was generally a grumpy person even with his patients, only one person came to mind…

but that was silly. _Valkyrie _would steal his hat, would she?

Well, he would soon find out when he caught up to them. Skuldugery tried his best to listen and determine which way these girls were going, this was more annoying than the tunnels under Gordon's mansion.

"Shit! He's coming!" Came a cry barely loud enough for him to hear, and he finally was able to recognise that voice.

It _was _Valkyrie. But why? And who was the other woman.

"Relax Val, you're just paranoid, no need to hide our voices anymore." This voice was no different in volume than what he now knew was Valkyries's. The second voice had a familiar London ring to it, and there was only one certain english woman he knew who would think they could get away with stealing his _hat_.

It just had too be Tanith Low. He knew it.

With a slight sigh of annoyance he followed them still although the dirt and stone-looking tunnels led to cleaner and less broken down walls, that looked slightly less about to collapse on top of him and crush him to death. (Or at least a long boring wait until he was found by someone.)

At the end of this particular tunnel he saw both women relaxing on a small couch with recliners on the end seats, both occupied by either Val or Tanith. If he had a face, he would be smirking right now. And Val was asleep, how cute. (Sarcasm)

He made his left hand into a bony fist, and smashed it against the wall next to him, careful not to collapse the little cave entirely.

With a shriek, Tanith bolted into a sitting position, staring at him with wide eyes. Well shit, they were caught. Or _were_ they? They had another little hidey-hole in the back wall in the corner, and she conveniently had a single smoke bomb left. _(A.N- Don't ask me how, she just does.)_

She subtly reached across the couch, but that subtlety was ruined when leaning closer to her companion to wake her up. The whole time Skulduggery was watching in silent amusement, Valkyrie could be a _nightmare _to wake up in the mornings sometimes.

With a small shriek, she also bolted up, unknowingly smashing her forehead into Tanith's, knocking both women off the couch.

"Ow! What the hell blondie!" With a low growl, her mad/grumpy expression turned to confusion as she saw Tanith's pale face.

Wordlessly, she turned when she saw what Tanith was pointing at, and also paled in shock. Tanith then threw down the smoke bomb near skulduggery's feet and grabbed Valkyries arm and ran towards the back of the room to the secret exit.

But as always with chase scenes, someone trips over their own feet. Or in this case, Tanith, sending them sprawling once again.

Skulduggery walked up and tied both Taniths hands together, one attached to the thin rope around Valkyries ankles, which in turn secured Valkrie to the spot she was standing.

"Hey!" She protested, and skulduggery was tilting his head in a way that she knew he was smiling, now with his hat back on his head.

"Revenge will be ours!" Tanith cried dramatically, earning an eye roll from Valkyrie.

"Theres a lesson to be learned her Val." Skulduggery said.

"Oh yeah? And what would that be?" Valkyrie replied with a pout.

"Never, _never_ steal my hat." And with that he walked out, ignoring the girls shouting at him with his head tilted smugly.

**END OF CHAPTER:**

**So what did you guys think? It didn't turn out as funny as i first thought it would be.**

**And this end authors note was completes today, a week and a half after i started the beginning authors note. Week one of term four just ended and this started in the middle of term holidays. I just find it hard to make myself write sometimes.**

**At the moment, me and Super Shadow 21 are planning something else Skulduggery Pleasant to. Why do i talk about her so often? She goes to my school and is one of my closest friends :D**

**It's a dialogue thats MEANT to be a comedy, but we haven't even ended it. We text each other and anything happens. She scripts Skulduggery, Dexter Vex, and her OC. I script my own OC, valkyrie, and Ghastly. I actually have to start typing up though.**

**Well anyway, cya next time :D**

**Tairulz**


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